Senioritis

There are typically about 4 weeks a year (midterms and finals for each semester) that I say to Mike, "this is going to be a really bad week for me, so please just bear with me." However, I feel that recently I have been beginning every week with this phrase.
This year isn't especially stressful, in fact it is probably less stressful than last. I am feeling extremely motivated to get my degree and a job, but I am having a hard time finding the motivation to get all of the work done.
I was talking to another student in my cohort about our lack of motivation, and difficulty dealing with our unstructured schedules. It is so easy to allow ourselves to take days off, because we don't have any real deadlines. I think she hit the nail on the head when she labeled our lack of motivation "senioritis." I feel like a senior in high school again :/.
So here I am sitting at home on a Friday morning trying to convince myself that I need to finish proofing my paper, and read at least a chapter of my textbook. Maybe I should tape a picture of a diploma in every room of my house, and on the wall in front of my desk in my office, so that I can keep my eye on the prize ;). 

Flippin' your fins you don't get too far

I started this week the same way that I start every other, by creating my to do list. This week's included: finish the next job application, complete the final draft of my manuscript, write my dissertation proposal, do my reading for class, and prepare my materials for FPU for next week. I thought that because I did not have much else going on this week that, while this to do list had major items on it, I should have no problem getting them done. I was going into the week with high anticipation of the feeling of accomplishment that the end of the week would bring. 
Then life happened. Monday was pretty productive, in the sense that it usually is, it was spend finishing the last couple of items off the week before's to do list. Then on Tuesday, I had an early meeting and decided that I could come home to take a nap and then work from home. Well, after a three hour nap I woke up and started cleaning out our closets, finding clothes that we no longer wear to donate (not on the list). 
After taking off Tuesday, I came back Wednesday to find my inbox overflowing, so Wednesday was lost to e-mails. On Thursday, I offered to sub in for a friend of mine who was going out of town. I was to teach her 300 student Psyc 100 class about hearing. So not only did I need to lecture to 300 students, but I had to lecture to them about something that I knew nothing about! So most of Thursday was lost to preparation and mild panic attacks. It ended up going really well though, and reassured me about the fact that I can do it, which is important because I will probably have to teach large sections of Psyc 100 the first several years of my appointment. 
Then there was Friday, which was spent in bed. I headed to my research project early Friday morning, but the whole time I felt sick to my stomach. So, I came home and spent the entire day sleeping, not waking up until Mike came home from work at 4. 
So, here it is on  Saturday and all I want to do is go outside and enjoy the beautiful weather we are having in C'ville, but instead I need to focus on getting items crossed off the list. The good news is that we have off on Monday, and my research isn't meeting on Tuesday, so I have extra buffer days this week. 
Maybe we will go have a picnic in the park, and I will take some work with me, that way I can get the best of both worlds. 

Job apps & Grandmothers

On Friday I sent out the first application for my first big girl job! Hitting send was a very exciting, but also a little nerve-wracking! I am currently working on the second and third, which will both be submitted some time next week. Please send positive thoughts my way!

Then on Sunday my family had an 85th birthday brunch for my grandmother, Momma. What an amazing women! Momma is the mother of 5 children, the grandmother of 15 children, and the great grandmother of 1 baby. All of us have enjoyed spending summers at Momma's summer home at the beach, where she makes us feel like the most important people on the world, as we eat zucchini bread, sip iced tea, and discuss our lives. Momma is a fun loving woman, who makes me feel like the 85 year old when we are walking through the mall and I am unable to keep up! We have all been very blessed to have this woman in our lives, and I am glad that my family was able to come together to celebrate her life. 

Self Improvement

If I could choose one thing to change about myself, I think it would be how critical I am. I have a tendency to dissect people's personalities, and their behaviors. This can be good in the sense that it helps me with my career, but it can also make things very difficult in my personal life. 

I tend to overanalyze. I second guess the way my behaviors and comments came across, and I wonder about the actions of others. Unfortunately, this has lend to many sleepless nights, as I can not stop replaying scenes from my life. I get trapped into what my mom would call a "negative thought pattern." One of the consequences of these patterns of negative thinking, is that as a result of assuming that everyone else is dissecting my behaviors the way that I am (I know that being a psychologist should mean that I know better), and this has a tendency to effect the way that I treat my husband as well. :insert nagging wife: "Don't stand like that", "Don't ask that question", "That is inappropriate"... well you get the picture.

The interesting thing is, that in this context Mike and I could not be any more different. Mike is a very laid back person (well, as long as the Lakers and Cowboys are not playing), and so he is really good at just rolling with the punches, so he just doesn't understand what I am getting so worked up about. His usual answer, when I am trying to dissect in the car after a social gathering is "who cares?", and his usual response to my nagging is that I should allow him to live his own life. 

So, I have been working on improving my thought patterns, or at the very least my criticisms of my husband. To be quite honest, it is extremely hard! How do you stop yourself from being upset about something? Well, I am a work in progress, trying to learn how to take myself a lot less seriously. 

As Jo Dee Messina once said:

well, oh, that's the way it is
you gotta roll with the punches
that's the way it goes
you gotta bend when the wind blows
you live you learn
you crash and burn
it's hit or miss
and that's the way it is

Football, Laundry, and Applications

I love Sundays in the fall. Mike and I come home from church, cook a big lunch, turn on the football games and set to work on our chores. Typically Mike works on ironing our clothes for the week, while I work on homework and laundry. 

This setup seems to work really well for us; Mike is happy because he gets to watch the football games, and I am happy because because I don't care enough about football to be distracted from my work:). 

I am a very structured person, I like to do lists, and organization, so know that I have a set plan for each Sunday, and knowing that it is going to be a productive day, but also a day that I get to spend with my husband makes me happy. 

Today I am working on finishing another job application, so that I can meet my October 1st deadline. If I am able to get this accomplished, I also hope to go over my FPU lesson for this week. 

Mike is making chili and lime wings for lunch, and they are almost ready, so I am off to enjoy my Sunday!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."
~ Jeremiah 29:11-12. 

Proposals and Applications

The first two weeks of the semester were filled will a lot of gossip, drama, and catching up with people I hadn't seen in three months. Unfortunately though, this means that not a lot of work was accomplished. That means that I now have one week to write a 20 page dissertation proposal, and complete my job applications.


I have definitely been dragging my feet on both of these. There is so much uncertainty that lies in the year ahead, and I am a person who enjoys a structured plan for the future. Starting these processes means that I am that much closer to the unknown. It also means that I am putting myself in a position that would allow me to fail in a major way. 


Since we moved to VA in the summer of 2007, all anyone has asked me is how many years will it take me to get my degree. At first I answered this questions by confidently exclaiming that I would be award my Ph.D. after four short years. Now that answer has turned to a tentative, "May 2011, if everything goes as planned, but possibly August 2011." I now feel like everyone has high expectations for me to graduate this May, and I will feel like a failure if I am not able to accomplish this goal. However, I am also beginning to realize how ambitious this goal is. 


Graduating also means that I need to have a plan for the future. What good is graduating if I am not able to secure a job? This also means that I have a lot of work to do finding positions, researching the schools,  completing applications and preparing for interviews. 


I am very excited about all of the possibilities that lay ahead of Mike and I, but am also very afraid of the unknown. I just need to keep reminding myself that I am not in control, and that I just need to trust in Him, and know that He has a plan for us.

Happy Birthday to Me!

Well yesterday I turned the big 2-5, that's right, I have been alive for a quarter of a century! I am not haunted by the number, nor do I think I am getting old, etc., but I do have to admit that 25 has come on a bit quickly, and I would not be at all surprised if someone told me it was actually my 19th birthday.


It just seems that when I was younger I always thought of people in their twenties as being so cool and having the it factor just as a result of being in their twenties, yet being here it doesn't seem all that different than any other year. Just another stepping stone on the path of life.


For my birthday, Mike took me to Hershey on Saturday to go to the gardens, chocolate world, and the trolley works. Then we came home and had a nice seafood dinner. It was a nice relaxing day, and a wonderful way to start my last semester. Then yesterday we went to see Eat, Pray Love, which was very good, but like with every book made to movie, the book was much better.


Finally, I think the best birthday present I could have ever ask for... I PASSED COMPS!!!!! My advisor called me this afternoon to tell me that I passed, and I nearly cried! One less thing to worry about. Now it is time to get to work on the dissertation proposal so that I can finally graduate...